Yes, Please! A Guide to Escort Etiquette
What is Etiquette? It is the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group.
Well, this is a very particular profession and group indeed!
What an incredibly personal thing it is to work as an escort! We have so many things to juggle:
- Thoughts of our goals for each encounter
- Thoughts of what our client expects of us
- Thoughts of how we feel about stretching our comfort zone even farther to please a client
- Thoughts of the repercussions of saying ‘No’
- Thoughts of the reviews that could end up on a website somewhere
Because our work encompasses such personal deeply reaching emotions that run to the core of our being, we really must decide for ourselves what our own personal etiquette and the etiquette of our client should be.
Communicating Etiquette to our Clients
As the Service Provider, we are the ones to dictate the terms of our sessions.
How long they last, the cost, what activities can be expected.
We also must decide on, and be very clear about what is expected in the way of our client’s physical presence and behaviour.
Some clients may think it’s perfectly fine to show up as high as a kite, and expect us to party with them.
Some clients may not understand that it doesn’t take much time to undo all the freshness of that shower this morning.
Rather than just allowing our clients to do whatever they think is fine, we can choose to be proactive instead.
This will help us avoid many ‘bad’ dates.
When it Comes to Etiquette, the Choice is YOURS!
It is up to us to choose what is, and what isn’t fine with us.
By deciding your own personal list of ‘rules’, and by ensuring your client has read your list and agrees, your service will be seen as professional. Your client will also have a clear understanding of your expectations.
Often, the clients we meet have never ever seen an escort. Or, perhaps they have just never seen someone with the kind of expectations we have.
We must know what we want and what we are willing to tolerate.
Here’s an incomplete list of what we might consider. Believe me, there are always more things we can add to this list:
BEFORE THE SESSION
- Hours of business. Be clear if you are very strict with this. Personally, I found being very available at different times allowed me to build my regular clientele quickly, but if you wish to avoid the weekend warrior types, sticking to daytime and early evening appointments might be better for you.
- Method of contact. Juggling the myriad of ways someone can get a hold of us these days can make things difficult. Choose and stick with the ways that are best for you to stay in contact with your client.
- Payment for services. Presumably we want cash up front, but you should say so! Is an envelope important to you?
- Some escorts demand the client shower immediately before their session. Is that time included in the session time? Do you allow your client to come early to get their shower done? Is it okay if your client arrives freshly showered? Is it okay if they are wearing cologne?
- Arriving late or early? Leaving late or early? Decide what you will and will not tolerate and how you want to deal with time extensions. Make sure you are always able to be right on time. If it means more time between clients, that’s what it means! Investing in the time to make yourself and your place inviting, to be properly prepared for your client is absolutely necessary in appearing professional and worth the money you are charging.
- Make sure to ask your client what their rules are! No perfume is likely the one I heard the most. An experienced client will not likely have never been asked this question, so asking it will show him that you care a lot about meeting his needs.
DURING THE SESSION
- First and most importantly, you must decide exactly which safe sex practices you will use. Be very clear that you will not tolerate anyone questioning your decisions about condom use. Recently, the Supreme Court of Canada has announced that non-consensual removal of a condom can be considered sexual assault. You may decide to remind your client of this on your website.
- Have you discussed the session in advance? What kind of activities your client wants and whether you are willing to accommodate them? Think about the huge variety of activities you might want to engage in professionally. Decide which ones you will specialize in, and which are absolute deal breakers. Know yourself well enough to know what you are willing to do to please your client.
- Make sure your website is very clear on what you offer.
- Sometimes we can choose to do more than we normally would because rent is due. This is not a great position to put yourself in, but it can happen. Please stick to your guns with all safety boundaries. We should never be compromising our safety for the sake of a few bucks. It is just not worth it.
- Having said that, perhaps it is about a sex act you haven’t done much before. Maybe one for which you could charge extra. Once you say yes to an activity, please decide to ’slap on the happy’ and do your best to enjoy your time with your client. You agreed, and now your reputation is on the line.
- If you decided what you agreed to really really doesn’t work for you, say so and refund some or even all of the fee. Be fair. Your client came to you with an expectation and if you can’t do it, then they should be respectfully refunded, or an alternate activity can be agreed to.
- Now, if you say you are not sure, which could be the case, you could be open and agree to try something out. If it doesn’t work at all for you, you could honestly be upfront with your client and say so. This works best when you already know your client.
- Taking on new sexual challenges with complete strangers is really not a good idea. When pushing personal boundaries, it’s best to give things more thought and have an understanding client with you. Sex can be such an amazing adventure, not only for your client, but for you too!
- Is it okay to enjoy a drink or two with your client? Are you okay with weed or other recreational drugs? There is a fine line here and crossing it may create safety issues. Some people can react poorly to alcohol and become belligerent and nasty. Be careful, have fun, and don’t make promises with strangers that could blow up in your face. Imbibing in mind altering activities can really be dangerous with the wrong person.
- Demeanour is everything. Are you able to put your best foot forward in a graceful manner even when disaster strikes? That emergency run to the bathroom can happen and though it might be an embarrassing untimely arrival of Aunt Flo, most clients are understanding and compassionate. Don’t sell yourself short, but do consider the client’s needs when your session takes an unexpected turn. Be prepared to refund a portion of the fee if you need to end the session.
- If things go sideways with your client’s behaviour, your ability to manage the situation and stay in control is absolutely vital. Depending on your perception of safety risk, you may decide to contact your safety person immediately.
- Excuse yourself and go to the washroom and lock the door. Make your call. If the police need to be involved, so be it. If you are sure your safety is not an issue, your best bet is to have compassion for your client’s desires, and to be real and honest with them.
- The golden rule is huge. Being skilled at de-escalating a situation may not come easily, as we usually have not had to practice these kinds of skills often. We may have never been taught how. Being calm and compassionate are the first steps, though we must hold to our boundaries. It is often like dealing with a child, as this is often where the client goes when they make demands of us they already know we are unwilling to participate in.
- Offering an alternative is a great way to distract. If the client continues to be unreasonable, ask that they leave immediately. Remind them of the list of rules they agreed to when booking.
- Refunds should never be made due to client behaviour. Mention this in your rules if you want to be super clear.
AFTER THE SESSION
- You will likely have had a nice time or at least gave your client a good experience. A compassionate and generous approach to your client will return to you multiple times. Write a thank you email or message. Be sincere. Your first time client could become someone you see weekly for years. Taking care of this person is important! Treat them like gold and they will do the same for you.
- You may decide to take notes on a client. What they liked, what they didn’t. Think about future sessions with them and how you could introduce new activities that will continue to entice them. If you really want to build your business, this is important and involves your desire to make your client happy.
So there you have it. The basics to consider when creating our own personalized etiquette list.
Having this well thought out and well communicated in advance is extremely important and will help us to have and keep great clients who behave appropriately.
It is all up to us to set the ground rules! Take the bull by the horns! If you do not have this list well thought out and communicated, get busy and get started immediately.
Clear communication with your clients paves the way for a great session, and subsequently repeat customers.