Submitted by Jay
I’ve been dating a dancer for almost 3 years now, and honestly, it’s pretty amazing.
Lola is strong, no nonsense, and knows what she wants.
She’s got big lips, a fiery tongue, and a fit physique that she knows how to work.
She’s also the most caring, sensitive, and empathetic person I’ve met in my entire life.
As a fellow sex worker, I can appreciate the ups & downs Lola goes through in her work, and always have an open ear for her at the end of a long shift.
I Always Thought Dating a Dancer Would be so Much Different
I always thought dating a dancer would be much different than it is. In my head it meant lots of wild parties, late nights, and money coming in faster than you could keep track.
As a cam model & amateur actor myself, there were some things that I needed to learn about the other side of the industry. Being “on the scene” as Lola was, has lots of similarities, but also some stark differences compared to filming videos or going live from the comfort of my home studio.
In reality, Lola goes to work and comes home around the same time every night. She has a tight schedule that she likes to keep, and she personally doesn’t like to party much before or after going to the club.
She’s passionate about her work, and she never half asses it by being hungover or heavily intoxicated.
A Dancer’s Income Varies Depending on the Day
As far as her income, while the money is good, it’s definitely nowhere near as consistent as I would have imagined.
Have I seen Lola come home with a stack of cash so big she threw it up in the air and laughed as it rained down? Yes.
Does she make enough to treat herself to dinners, new outfits, and the occasional tropical vacation? Fuck yeah.
Do we still struggle to make rent sometimes? Absolutely.
Dancers Rely Heavily on Customers
Dancers rely on, you guessed it: customers. And if customers decide they feel like being stingy, it doesn’t matter how hard Lola works, she can still come home at the end of a long night with nothing.
Lola doesn’t make an hourly wage. In fact, she actually pays a floor fee to the club just to work for the night. Not only that, but a portion of her earnings gets tipped out to the bartenders, DJ, and security.
So if it’s a slow night, and people are just there to feast with their eyes but keep their wallets shut, dancers can even finish the night with less money than they started with.
Now, usually people who go to a strip club know what they’re in for.
They get to have some drinks with their friends, see some absolutely stunning women take their clothes off, some serious gymnastic flexibility, maybe get a lap dance in a private room.
And guess what? They know the deal. They pay for it! Maybe a little, maybe a lot.
Even a wide eyed 21 year old holding out a $20, then running back to his table with his buddies, that might be all he tips that night. And that’s alright.
Not everyone is flush with dough.
And even if that particular guy isn’t flush with dough, his friends still explained the deal to him: You go to a strip club, you give the girls some money.
Dancer Etiquette & Bad Manners
Anyone can go to a bar and get drunk, but if you’re going to a club where beautiful women are performing for you, sitting there and leering at them all night without tipping a cent is just bad fucking manners.
Unfortunately, too many people have bad fucking manners.
I’ve heard a million stories from Lola after coming home from a night of working her ass off, chatting people up, trying to sell dances, and getting nothing but a few dollars and misogyny in return.
People’s excuses ranged from: “I don’t pay for that kind of thing” or “I didn’t bring any cash with me” to “sorry honey, but you just aren’t that hot”.
As a fellow sex worker, I’ve heard similar excuses many times myself. As her partner, whose job it is to take care of her and treat her right, they still stung to hear.
I wanted to protect her from that. However, my desire to take care of Lola comes secondary to my respect for her. She’s her own woman, and I knew she could take care of herself.
Understanding Things From Her Side is Important
I needed to understand things from her side, so I brought it up with her on a couple separate occasions.
I asked if she’d ever consider switching careers to something with a more consistent income. A regular job, with a steady paycheque and hours.
Or hell, even bartending, where tips are still important but at least you’re guaranteed your hourly wage.
Lola’s response was always the same, with no hesitation:
She told me she loved dancing, and that there’s nothing else she’d rather be doing right now. Even with the bad nights.
She loved the feeling of being onstage, loved being her own boss, loved the girls she worked with. But most of all, she loved the person dancing had allowed her to become.
What Things Are Like for Lola
In her own words, Lola used to be a pushover. A combination of an already empathetic & sensitive girl, paired with a couple of very toxic relationships in a row, made for a much more emotionally delicate Lola than the one I know today.
She told me she would often let friends and acquaintances steamroll over her, putting other people’s priorities and feelings before her own.
She’d have anxiety attacks, bouts of depression, and frequently felt like she wasn’t good enough.
She’d eat a meal at a restaurant that was prepared wrong, because she didn’t want to deal with the perceived drama of confronting the server about it.
Big things and small, she avoided conflict and let herself be pushed around.
But, as she tells me, that all started to change once she started dancing.
She was very nervous at first, but with the help of her friends who had been doing it for a while, she slowly began to change into the person I know today.
First off, she learned how to start saying no to people.
“Oh, you charge $50 a dance? I usually get them for $25”
“You’re cute. Why don’t you come dance at our hotel room after your shift? We’ll make it worth your while!”
“I don’t do private shows. Thanks for the offer, but no.”
It went then from not just saying no to people, but asking for what she wanted as well. Asking for tips, for respect, for people’s time & attention.
Asking her boss for the chance to go on stage when she felt she was ready for it.
Those changes were afforded to her through the playground that is a strip club.
Her alter ego, the dancer, didn’t need to worry about her past trauma, or the stress & anxieties of her daily life.
Lola could be free to experiment with a new, confident persona, that eventually blended with her regular persona, to become the beautiful, caring, compassionate woman that I’m lucky enough to be with today.
A woman who has an outlet and a practicing ground, for the facets of her personality that need room to breathe and grow.
A woman who is equal parts confident and reserved. Empathetic, but with firm boundaries in place.
A woman who will send that fucking order back to the kitchen if it was made wrong.
She’s still working hard to this day to grow herself, which is what we should all be doing.
She is empowered, as am I, through a career in sex work.
So cheers, to the light of my life, Lola.
I love you.
Author Bio & Links
My name is Jay, and I’m a 29 year old sex worker living on the West Coast of Canada.
I’ve been in the industry for over 5 years now, and am a webcam model, adult film actor, and model.
In my spare time I love to write, produce electronic music, play video games, and relax in nature.
Between my partner Lola and I, we’ve had a life chock full of wild, fun, and fulfilling sexual experiences, and I’m very excited to share them with the world.
Thanks for reading!